My Feet Are In Jail

For those of you who know me well, you know that I dislike wearing shoes and am usually barefoot.  In the summer, I’m happilyJailFeet walking around the office (and everywhere) barefoot and in the winter, just socks.  Sadly, a few weeks ago I learned that my feet were not happy.  I was having infrequent pain on the top of my right foot and given that we had a seven day backpacking trip coming up (in which we hike in barefoot shoes), I decided I’d better get it looked at.

I went to Tria Orthopedics.  I was pleasantly surprised by my experience.  My appointment was prompt, I was x-rayed almost upon arrival and then the PA came in and talked to be both before and after.  He didn’t give me a hard time about being barefoot 99% of the time and just gave me guidelines to work within while I heal.

Oh, yeah.  The sad part.  I ended up having pre-stress fractures in BOTH of my feet.  It means that while nothing is broken, the cells of the bones in my feet are flexing in a way that they shouldn’t be.  Turns out that while my left foot wasn’t hurting, it hurt plenty when the PA manipulated it!   Needless to say, our hiking trip has been postponed until August.  (sad face)  And my feet are in jail.  The doc was nice enough not to make me wear two boots, but told me that I should wear a shoe plus boot most of the time.

I have to admit, it’s been really hard for me.  I truly do not like the feeling of shoes.  I actually really enjoy feeling the floor under my feet or the grass or the dirt…  So, I give myself grass and floor time every so often.

And while it makes me sad/frustrated/angry at times, I’ve been paying quite a bit of attention to my attitude about it.  Normally, I’d start quitting.

Backing  up.  I’ve been working with a trainer since last August doing weight lifting and cardio about 4-6 times per week.  Running, of course, is my favorite form of cardio and also the one thing I can’t do in this season that is my favorite time to run.  That aside, I’m also training for a physique show in April.  So with this set back with my foot (feet), my normal first response would be to slowly quit.  I’d start going fewer times, doing less strenuous workouts and then eventually just stop going to the gym entirely.  I’ve repeated this pattern so many times in my life that I know how that goes.

But I haven’t.  It’s been about three weeks since my visit to Tria.  My workouts have been the same and so has my enthusiasm.  So I’ve been curious.  What’s different this time?

What I’ve come up with is that it’s not just one thing.  It’s a lot of them.  I’ve come to terms with the fact that since I do so many physical things, I’m going to have some set-backs.  I also know that I’d rather be the person who does lots of things and sometimes has set-backs than quitting once again.  It also helps that I see my trainer each week.  He’s made all the difference.  And when I told him my foot (feet) situation?  He just modified my workouts to focus on other things.  Easy as that.

I think there’s also a mental piece to it as well.  I’m more ok with what is.  Over the past weeks, I’ve come to terms with my situation, my inability to do certain things, and its ok.  It wasn’t at first.  I had to work through my disappointment at having to move our hiking trip.  I had to accept that this was my reality and there was nothing I could do about it.  And in that accepting, I found freedom.  It is ok for me to take the time I need to heal.  It is ok to not push myself.  And it’s ok to wear my damn boot and get on with it.  Summer is here!  And rather than grumping around about all the things I CAN’T do, I’m going to celebrate the things I CAN.

Happy June!

In Love & Light,

Desirée

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